Dr. B.'s Blogs!

A Bittersweet Journey

Posted: February 19, 2013
By: Dr Susan Burger

It was 20 years ago when my first son was born. Sometimes it seemed that my boys would be little forever. But today, it seemed like yesterday that he came into my life.

He came into this world as a gentle, sweet soul, but over time I saw him start to “harden” as life, society, and peers had their influence. Yet, all along he followed his heart. As he got older, he came more into being who he really is. He found friends that fit for him.

He always loved geography, the world, and other cultures and languages. He learned spanish easily.  When he was 11 years old saw a book on Beginners Japanese and asked if he could get it. A few weeks later he was speaking Japanese sentences.

Friends from South Korea came into his life and soon he was learning that language. He began to appreciate their music and culture. Last summer a friend invited him to stay with him and his family in Seoul for a month. He loved it.

That brings us to TODAY. Today I took my sweet, young man to JFK airport in New York for his flight to Seoul. He plans to stay for 18 months. I think that is the hardest part for me. I miss him already. Not that I spent all that much time with him with college and work…but at least he was around.

I personally love to travel. I understand his wanderlust. And yet this was bittersweet moment. I am so proud of him. He worked hard to make this happen.

I walked into the airport with him and stood in line to help him with his suitcases as we were waiting to check in. At the desk they made sure that he had verification of a flight home or he could not go. It came time for him to go through security, which meant we had to say goodbye. I started getting teary- of course- and told him I loved him and gave him a hug. He noticed my tears and said ‘Mom why are you crying?” I told him because I will miss him. Felt funny to have him ask a question like that.  

I think that can be a boy’s way of not having it hurt them so much either…

As he went through the slow security line he would periodically look back to see if I was still there and he’d give a little wave. Finally, he was through and I saw the back of his head as he headed to his gate.

Such mixed emotions…so proud of him. Loving him so much, letting him go, missing him already, relief for me in a way, and so thankful that he is my son.

We must love our children enough to let them be who they are. And love ourselves enough to know that we did the best that we could.

Now all I can do is let go…and keep in my prayers that he has every blessing and life experience that is perfect for his soul. I have no idea what that is…I can only be here for him as he needs me.

Letting go might be the hardest but best thing we will ever do.